Forgetting
by Starsights
Summary: Cipher Nine remembers her past all too much, causing her nightmares that she wished would just leave her alone.


**A/N: I promised a Star Wars one-shot, so here it is :P Spoilers for Chapter 2 and 3 of Agent and Consular storyline, and all that stuff. Starts out a little subtle and not very action-y. I know I said this would come out like weeks ago but *shrugs* I know it's a bit cliché, but I became brain dead and meh :P I'll do better next time. And I've been thinking about changing my username... :P **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Star Wars the Old Republic. All I own are the obvious OC'S. **

* * *

Countless thoughts prowled through her head, loose from their cages that she usually kept them tightly locked in. Tipsy as she was, Cipher sighed at the memories as she remembered her old childhood. As an Intelligence Agent, her past and everything she was back then was kept under the wraps of her cover. She mainly didn't put much thought into them, with work keeping her busy and the risks of getting caught always plaguing her mind; but in the rare moments like this on her ship, they came back to her like a tornado no matter how much of a mental wall she tried to make between her and them.

When she had once been just a naïve little ten year old named Gwyyn; free from corruption, deception, and lies. Something she wanted-no, _needed_ now more than ever.

Flashbacks of her running through the apartments her and her family had lived in on Coruscant hit her, in it she saw her elder sister Asteria practicing meditation as a part of her training as a Padawan. Both her parents were Jedi, and got two force-sensitive and two non-force sensitive children as a result, Asteria being the one most indulged in studying and practicing. It bugged Gwyyn that her sister never bothered to play that much with her, and she tended to argue with the girl, never really understanding due to her young age.

So what would a desperate little girl do? Force her sister to play of course, with a simple, yet successful game of tag. Gwyyn took Asteria's training saber directly from her hands and ran off with it, the elder hot on her trail.

Asteria used the Force to stop her in her tracks, took the saber and yelled at her. The little girl knew she had crossed the line. Asteria never rose her voice, nor did she have much of a temper; but now is different.

Gwyyn downed the rest of the clear liquid in one drink, relishing the delicious burn of the fluid run down her throat. Screaming and crying filled her ears as the girl in her mind ran away from the crying Padawan, who was yelling "I'm sorry!" every gasp she took.

It was too much to bear any more.

Cipher turned to the bottle in disappointment to find it empty, knowing that she finished the rest of what Kaliyo had left the night before. Sighing, she ran a hand through her face in exhaustion and walked to her quarters and locking the door.

Was this really what she was born for? To suffer the past, clean after the messes of the Sith, and follow every word of the Empire? Gwyyn knew her parents would be disappointed in the abomination she had turned herself into: an agent for the Empire, using seduction to get the mission done, and going against those she loved.

Taking off the wraps on one of her hair strands and setting them on the table, she continued to sliding off the hair tie on the small ponytail at the back of her head. Gwyyn took off her work clothes and set them aside to put on a nightgown and new undergarments.

She knew she wasn't going to sleep, not with all those thoughts trapped in her head. Thoughts that needed to be told, but she couldn't say them for she feared the consequences that may come.

Cipher was sickened by herself.

With all the identities she had stolen, Gwyyn came to realize that she didn't even know her own self anymore. Agents are stripped of their past, their names, and their true selves once they become Ciphers, only responding to their specific number and basically being upped one level as a puppet of the Empire.

_If only I could say something to my crewmates, those who I still trust- that the person I was before is still here, waiting for them to come. _

They would never expect such a vulnerable and merciful woman underneath, and Gwyyn wasn't sure they'd accept that side to her and still see the same person.

She lay under the bed covers, her eyes closing and sleep engulfing her.

* * *

They had stopped on Nar Shaddaa for re-supplying and re-stocking before heading out to Voss for the next mission. Half of Imperial Intelligence was immobilized, with the Watchers and the Keeper down and on life support after their enhanced brains shut down on them; leaving the entire organization vulnerable and weak. Gwyyn had been assigned to Voss after Watcher 3 had told her that Keeper had been tracking down information there before when she went unconscious, and she was supposed to meet with a Voss once she landed.

But for now, here she was; sitting in the Slippery Slopes cantina bar with a half-drunk Kaliyo and an untouched glass of whiskey in front of her. Cipher loathed everything at the moment, she didn't want to be touched, be involved in a conversation, or even be looked at; and she tried to restrain herself from gripping her blaster and shooting the damn Jedi already glooming at her from the corner.

Judging from the frame of her body, she was a woman; with a hood up that was covering her face, plain Jedi robes, and a double-bladed lightsaber that hung from her belt. Gwyyn took glances at her between the bangs that covered her eye, seeing the woman look at the entrance of the cantina now and then before turning back to her.

"Hey Cipher, why don't you come and join me and Ensign for a drink? You look like you could really use it. Cripes" Kaliyo perked up from her right.

"Not now Kaliyo" Gwyyn sighed

The Rattataki raised an eyebrow and followed the direction the agent was looking at, easily finding that the target was the Jedi. She placed a hand over her blaster and leaned close to Cipher.

"You need her dead?"

"No, now please... Share your drink with Ensign, I'll join you later" she replied. Kaliyo shrugged and turned away from her, facing Ensign and placing a drink on the counter. Ensign leaned over Kaliyo's shoulder with a frazzled expression before she was pushed away and silently told not to bother Gwyyn.

"Something is off between those two don't you see?" Ensign whispered.

"Just shut up. Lokin, Bugboy, and that piece of metal Scorpio are gonna come back soon anyways, and we don't need you pissing off Agent more than she already is today" Kaliyo huffed and took a gulp of her drink "You'd hate to see her in a bitchy mood, and we're all lucky she mostly takes it out on TooVee".

Cipher growled silently under her breath, she wanted Kaliyo to shut up; not Ensign. The Rattataki already got on her nerves today, and she didn't want to rage at the ship's droid again; or Vector for that matter. Both of them had been getting most of her attitude lately and she felt terrible for yelling at them for no absolute reason. There were just too many things roaming around her mind, too much stress.

A rogue-looking woman entered the cantina a few moments later, with flyaway brown hair, green eyes, and that charm of fitting around places like this. If Gwyyn didn't know any better, she would've mistaken the woman for a regular here; and not just the type for drinks, but a little more than just that. She treaded towards the Jedi, who took off the hood covering her face and revealing similar brown-colored hair put into a short ponytail-type of bun; she smiled and Gwyyn couldn't help but wonder if they were related.

"I've been waiting for you to finally tell you the news" the Jedi said.

The other brunette yawned "Skip the intro, I just woke up fifteen minutes ago and I'm not up for formalities". The Agent was surprised that the brunette talked so freely to the woman, most people who come to Jedi are usually there for formal matters; but this seemed like it was just nothing to either party.

The Jedi rolled her eyes and chuckled "I got a position on the Council" she beamed; her eyes sparkling with joy and emotion, something Jedi often lacked.

"Grats, now I can scream to everyone that I have a sister that's on the Council"

"Not funny Syrette" the Jedi said with a hint of seriousness.

Gwyyn almost choked on her whiskey at the mention of that name, as she unconsciously grabbed Kaliyo's hand. The Rattataki looked at the agent in confusion "Hey, let go of my hand will ya? We're not a couple or anything" she spat.

"We need to leave, now" the Cipher whispered.

Ensign looked over to the situation "Sir, is there a problem?"

"Keep your voice to your Republic accent" Gwyyn replied, her voice changing to that of a Republic citizen's. She actually didn't care for cover at the moment, all she wanted was to leave this Force-damned cantina and get back to the ship away from Syrette and that Jedi.

"One second there Ms. Paranoid" Gwyyn turned around to her companion, who was already carrying her blaster in hand "Don't tell me your in a hurry to leave because you got a date back on the ship with Bugboy" Kaliyo smirked, a knowing look shadowing her face.

She scowled and grumbled "I don't have time for this, we're getting Vector and Lokin then getting off this damn planet"

Kaliyo gave a another menacing grin that met with Gwyyn's incredulous gaze "Ooh, is this more than just a simple "date"?". Her actions and words were going to attract them attention, but Gwyyn didn't know any other way to get her to drop the subject and leave other than to knock her unconscious with sleeping gas; but of course that would give them away to everyone in the cantina.

"Kaliyo, just follow orders" Ensign replied.

"No this is all too-"

Gwyyn cut off her companion by dragging them both out the nearby exit in a flurry. It took both their strengths to pull Kaliyo's arms and eventually lead her out the door, but they managed to do so.

'Hey uh, Corso's waiting for me outside the door" Syrette said "Grats on the promotion again sis, it's great and-"

"Captain!"

Both women turned to the man running to them, Syrette stood up from her seat and so did the Jedi; wondering what was going on.

"There's this woman getting dragged by two other people, seems like she's in some trouble. Keep's yellin' "Let go of me!" and "I'm going to cut your heads for this!"" he gasped. The Jedi instantly went out the door, activating her lightsaber and walking towards the struggling three.

"Let the Rattataki go" she hissed. Syrette and Corso ran up next to her, both taking out their blasters for ready fire.

"For your information, she's ours; not some stranger" Ensign said as a matter-of-fact.

"Stop telling info to everyone Ensign" Kaliyo growled

"Let her free, G" the Jedi said once again. Gwyyn grimaced in response, she _knew_ her identity, who she was...

Cipher did let go, only to grab her blaster rifle in return and aim it at the woman.

"G?! You can't be serious! That ain't her at all Asteria!" Syrette cried out

"Look at her and tell me you don't see the same girl. Look at her and tell me that's not our sister"

Ensign and Kaliyo looked at Gwyyn, expecting an instant explanation and an automatic response to Asteria's words. Only she didn't do anything they expected. Gwyyn didn't even want to speak, all she desired was to leave and forget the encounter ever happened; to leave behind the memories and her past, she didn't want to uncover more of it than she already has. Though she knew all too well that she wasn't going to get away from this now.

"Tell me what happened. You know I'm not afraid to fight" Asteria warned

Cipher didn't allow herself to give in. She is not going to submit to this Jedi's wishes just yet, Asteria didn't deserve to know anything after what happened back then;

"I'm going to give you ten seconds to say something to me, or I will draw my lightsaber"

Syrette put a hand on her sister's shoulder "We're taking this too far, why don't you just leave her alone?" she asked.

"Yeah, leave her alone will ya?" Kaliyo perked up, crossing her arms.

"I will not 'leave her alone', she and I have matters to finish from the past" the Jedi persisted, taking a step closer to the Agent. Kaliyo and Ensign automatically aimed their blasters at her; their fingers on the triggers.

"What's going on here?" a male voice interrupted as he ran over, a rifle in his hands, and heavy armored. Gwyyn sighed and set down her own weapon, gesturing her other two companions to do the same.

"Agent?" another voice asked.

Turning around, Gwyyn saw Vector and Lokin come back from their errands. _Terrible timing for this to be happening now_ she thought crudely and faced the Republic group.

"You work for Imperial Intelligence?" Syrette questioned.

"None of that is your business Syrette, or Asteria for that matter" she gritted. Enough was enough. "Prepare for assault"

"This doesn't have to end this way and you know it!" Asteria yelled.

"And you damn well know why I left the Republic. The Jedi are blind hypocrites that deny those who aren't parallel to their abilities. Shipping me off to this very planet at age ten just because I was a non-Force sensitive! Bullshit!"

"They said they sensed the dark side in you, and that letting you stay would only put us in danger. Keerden and I begged and begged but they said they had no choice but to send you off. Please understand... I was foolish, and mother and father's death only weakened me further. Please return to us... Please..." she cried, already on her knees.

Gwyyn shook her head and hastily took out her blaster to shoot her on the left shoulder, causing the woman to fall to her side. The two men beside her went to aid the fallen Jedi, helping her get up and checking how badly she was wounded. Syrette swallowed bitterly.

"If you knew what I've been through, you'd have done the same" she replied, turning away and gesturing for her crew to follow her suit.

"Wait! Please don't leave!" Asteria pleaded, getting up from the floor and clutching her injured shoulder; struggling to run after her sister. Her free hand caught that of Gwyyn's, and the Agent turned around.

"I love you, but you know I'd only want to kill you if I stayed" she replied and shot her again on her waist, turning to leave once again.

"I'm sorry! Gwy-!"

But by that time, Cipher Nine and her crew were already too far off into the crowds to have heard.

* * *

She woke up in cold sweat, panting heavily as her eyes searched in the darkness for an answer. Had it been real? Gwyyn fumbled through the metallic walls to find the light switch, turning it on once her hands found the button. The smooth hum of the_ Phantom_ reminded her that she was still alive, not in some coma or a block of carbonite. It always ended up like this, and her trouble with sleep was starting to affect her and her attitude day by day.

_Maybe some ale will do me good..._

Gwyyn headed out the door to the ship's cargo hold; where she hid some ale from Kaliyo's prying hands in one of the storage crates. Walking in the room, she found Vector there meditating and suddenly felt that her nightgown wasn't appropriate for this encounter. Hurriedly passing by him, she opened the crate and found that her "hidden" ale was already half gone.

_Fucking Kaliyo... Always getting into things she's not supposed to get into._

Sighing, she closed it again and just stood there watching Vector for a moment. He looked so tranquil that it seemed like he was asleep.

_ If only he knew how I felt..._

**A/N: Ta-da? :P Reviews are appreciated! :3**


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